I don’t know about you, but I love hearing “God equips whom He calls” and any variation of that saying. It brings to mind thoughts of promises fulfilled, doors opened, dreams coming true, life purposes obtained and a plethora of other God fulfilling moments.

As with most things, there are opposing sides of every saying and situation. The good and the bad if you will. The easy stuff and the hard stuff. There is no doubt that God does equip those who He calls but sometimes He calls you to the hard stuff. Sometimes the equipping is FOR the hard stuff. You know, the HARD stuff. Standing for a broken marriage, staying with your spouse who has betrayed you. Perhaps it’s infertility or you are the only Christian in your office and feel led to lead a Bible study. Or, heaven forbid, facing tragedy like the death of a loved one or a healing that didn’t happen the way you believed. I could go on, but you get the picture.

Please hear me, I am not saying God causes the bad to happen. That’s not within His nature. There is only one that causes death and destruction. Sometimes, the HARD stuff happens because we live in a fallen world. Sometimes as Christians, we believe that we are exempt from the HARD stuff, but God never promised us that trials and tribulations would not happen. He wouldn’t have put those HARD verses in the Bible if that were the case. Hard stuff does happen, and we have a real live enemy who is all about death and destruction. John 10:10 says “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.”  It goes on to say “…I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” God is love, compassion and life. Sometimes though, God does not remove the HARD stuff.  He doesn’t remove valleys that are talked about in Psalm 23, “…though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,” nor does He remove the mountains. Instead He asks us to trust Him to walk with us through them.

That’s where I found myself a few weeks ago.  My middle son was diagnosed with legg calve perthes disease this past year. It stems from an interruption of blood flow to the hip ball joint, usually caused by a fall or some type of injury to that area. The loss of blood flow causes the actual ball joint to die, disintegrate and eventually grow back. We never did pin point the exact moment of the fall, but nonetheless, something did occur that caused it. We caught it early, and the prognosis was great for a complete healing. It would take lots of time, at least two years, and too many restrictions placed on our son to name. We prayed, we did our exercises, we did even more with additional swimming lessons to help with the rotation of the hip. Trusting God that as He did His part and as we did our part, that our son would be just fine. Everything looked like it was going great. Checkups were great, movements were great. It was all great. We knew the miracle healing we had prayed for and believed in was going to happen. We were convinced that the next set of x-rays were going to show a brand new, perfectly shaped ball joint being formed, perfectly placed in the hip socket.

That’s not what happened. It was one of those moments that takes your breath completely from you, where it felt like the devil just smacked you in the face with a two by four so hard it splintered then took the broken pieces and stabbed you in the heart. That’s what happened that day when we had the latest set of x-rays taken. Instead of a perfectly shaped ball joint, placed perfectly in the hip socket, it showed that the bone had grown back horribly deformed. The new bone had grown outside of the hip socket and was terribly misshapen. I kept saying to myself, “I don’t see this”, “This isn’t his current set of x-rays”, “God, this can’t be happening”, “No, No and NO!” But it was happening.

I sat there listening to the doctor tell me that surgery had to happen and soon or our son would have a severe physical handicap for life, that the surgery would be the first of several to ensure he continued to have the most range of motion and use of his leg. This was the worst-case scenario that I had read about, (thanks Dr. Google!) and what the doctor had talked about at the beginning of this journey. This was the worst-case scenario that I was convinced I knew God was NOT going to have us walk. Everyone, including the doctor, was crushed by the x-rays. We ALL were expecting a fantastic report, never this. Instead, we got the HARD stuff.

On the drive home, listening to my son cry in his seat, confused and scared, I kept repeating in my head “NO, THIS CAN’ T BE TRUE!” but out of my mouth came the words of comfort and encouragement, which at that moment I doubted, but were what my son needed to hear. I kept reassuring him that God was in the midst of this. Telling him that “we can do this” and that his Dad and I would be right beside him the whole way. That I would not leave him alone in this.

We spent the weekend processing the news in different ways. My son needed constant reassurance. “Yes, I will be at the hospital with you.” “I won’t leave you until we go home together.” “Daddy will be there, too.” “We will do everything we can to get you walking again.” “I’ll make sure to connect with your friends, so you won’t be lonely.” I could go on and on.

My husband mowed for four hours, (you can do that when you live on a farm), needing space and tasks to help him process. I spent my time sitting in the hammock or on our front porch listening to praise and worship music mostly with tears streaming down my face and questions racing through my head.  “Why, God?”, “God, search my heart, show me where, show me what to do, just heal my son.”, “I don’t want this journey.” And all the other questions that momentarily run through your head when you stand face to face with the HARD stuff.

No one willing chooses James 1:2, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials…”  We don’t flip through the Bible and say “That verse, that’s the one, right there. I want to face various trails, so I can count it all joy!” At that moment, sitting on my front porch, I found no joy, I didn’t want to choose joy, and I for sure didn’t want the “when you fall into various trials” part either. I wanted to count it all joy without the various trials.  Nor did I want the part of Psalm 23, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”  I wanted no part of that valley. Yet, here I was, in the “various trials” and in the midst of the “valley of the shadow of death.”

Like I had promised our son earlier that we would never leave him, I knew God was there with me, with our family, feeling all we felt, and He would not leave me just as I promised my son.   Hebrews 13:5 says “He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”  I knew that though I was in the midst of the valley, He was there with me. Psalm 23:4 says:

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”

I chose to run to my Father in heaven, to run to His word and to give Him all of it- the anger, the fear, the doubts, the brokenness, and the helplessness I felt.  Most of all I chose to give Him my son. I eventually settled my mind down long enough to hear Him whisper to my soul that He would equip me and that I needed to trust Him.  I wanted so desperately to hear that He would remove the valley, the mountain and the various trials, but instead He told me He would equip me for the journey. In that moment, I did make the choice to find joy in the midst of the various trials and I will continue the endeavor to find joy throughout the journey we are facing through the HARD stuff.

My dear ones, if you too are facing the HARD stuff, don’t lose hope. Romans 15:13 says “May the God of hope fill you with the joy and peace believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” God is not a respecter of persons. If He does something for one, He will do for another. Though, it probably won’t look the same way. One of the many things I’ve learned through out my walk with God is that He rarely does the exact same thing twice. There are always variations in how He works our journeys out, all according to what He is working in us, around us and through us for His purpose and glory. But take to heart the words of Romans 15:13. He is hope. Let Him fill you with joy and peace knowing that He will walk with you through your HARD stuff and He will equip you for the journey.

Know that you are not alone. There are a lot of us going through the HARD stuff. I don’t know what the journey will look like for my family, nor do I know what yours will look like. I’m just beginning to see how He has and will equip us for what we are going to face. Please know that I am here praying for you and your journey through the HARD stuff.

 

Father, I lift up to You, all of us on the journey of the HARD stuff. I know that you will never leave us nor forsake us, and I ask that each and everyone of us feels the comfort of your rod and staff as you are our great Shepherd.  Fill each of us with your joy and peace as we believe in You and Your Word. I pray we keep our eyes on You and not on the journey ahead for You are bigger than anything we face and will equip us for the journey. That as we trust in You, holding on to Your hand and the promises of Your Word, we will walk through our valleys, over our mountains, and through our trials and tribulations victoriously. In Jesus name, Amen.